


goldfish.

by xtobefreex



Series: like a fish out of water [1]
Category: Persona 5
Genre: Depression, M/M, Persona 5 Protagonist Has A Palace, Persona 5 Spoilers, Post-November 20 Interrogation (Persona 5), Suicidal Thoughts, Trauma, perceived one-sided attraction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-25
Updated: 2020-12-25
Packaged: 2021-03-10 16:41:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 576
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28320312
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xtobefreex/pseuds/xtobefreex
Summary: When Ren was nine, he had a goldfish.Ren relives November 20th.
Relationships: Akechi Goro/Amamiya Ren, Akechi Goro/Persona 5 Protagonist
Series: like a fish out of water [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2118594
Kudos: 69





	goldfish.

**Author's Note:**

> Please please _please_ read the tags and be safe. 
> 
> This is in no way related to Agape. Sorry for such a depressing post, guys 😩  
> Ethereal is being worked on, I assure you.
> 
> Everything here is in Ren's PoV.

When Ren was nine, he had a goldfish.

It died within the same year.

Sometimes he wished that he was like that goldfish.

(Goldfish had no priorities in life. Goldfish cared only for themselves and only had to look forward to when they were going to be fed next. Goldfish didn't have to think, all they had to do was wait patiently and they would be cared for. Most of the time. Maybe. Maybe not.)

(Ren had many things to prioritise in life. He had to make sure to get good grades, juggle a social life, and actively work on not getting arrested. Again. He had to care for others and had to be many many many steps ahead. He always had to think, his brain running non-stop and leading to sleepless nights. He hated having to wait because he hated not knowing. He always had to fend for himself because nobody would care for him.)

(But then again, goldfish didn't think that far ahead.)

_the woman sitting in front of him looked unimpressed—_

(Ren always had to think ahead. Nobody wanted a fuck-up.)

_he felt terrified—_

Sometimes the wish to be a goldfish was stronger than it was at other times. 

Sometimes it was easier to say that he was okay because he'd rather die than admit that something was wrong.

the boy that he liked was going to kill him and stage it to look like a suicide.

who cares? 

_why was she leaving?_

it didn't feel like anyone would care if he were gone.

_didn't she care about what he had to say? didn't she believe him?_

and? shouldn't he be happy that he's going to die to save his _friends_? shouldn't he be happy to die at the hands of someone familiar to him?

(if he's supposed to be happy about that, then why does he feel so much dread?)

_why would nobody believe him? why did people want to betray his trust?_

Sometimes Ren bottled things up and allowed them to eat away at him. He bottled them up and shoved them in a darkdarkdark closet and hoped that they would never see the light of day again, but he knew that they were there. In that dark closet were monsters that threatened to rip him apart and revel in the screams if he dared to open the door and let them out. Their screams and growls reverberated off of the walls and made cacophonous echoes in his mind, making him want to rip his hair out on his better days.

It was easier at times to act like he was okay, masking how he truly felt with gentle smiles and kind eyes.

_whywhywhywhywhywhy_

(nobody should be allowed to see him as how he really is, someone who feels like they're coming apart at the seams, someone who wants to fly away but has clipped wings, someone who wants to shout until their throat is raw and bleeding and can speak no longer because a thing like him does not deserve to speakspeakspeak)

_he could hear footsteps in the hallway—_

He smiles as he thinks about becoming a goldfish. He was decent enough in this life, surely he'd be one in the next?

_the door opens—_

"You're here," he says, but no words come out from his trembling lips.

(he stares at the goldfish in the bowl.)

(golden eyes stare back at him in the reflection.)

_he knows nothing after that._

**Author's Note:**

> You can follow me on [my twitter](https://twitter.com/x_tobefree_x) for updates but please keep in mind that it's an 18+ account with 18+ content. 
> 
> Feel free to DM me there if you need to talk to someone and know that you aren't alone. My discord is xtobefreex#1293 if you're more comfortable there. 💜
> 
> If you or a loved one is suffering from depression or suicidal thoughts, know that you are not alone and that you are loved. You can find someone to talk to in your country here:  
> [suicide prevention and crisis hotline numbers for around the world](https://www.therapyroute.com/article/helplines-suicide-hotlines-and-crisis-lines-from-around-the-world)
> 
> I wish you all a Merry Christmas and happy holidays, please stay safe! I love you guys. 💕


End file.
